a vague and rather free account of a simple afternoon (Draft, I don't know where I'm going with this)

He opened the second bottle of wine of the evening, his friend was leaving the next day and that bottle had stayed closed for long enough now. There was a certain air of minute festivity in the air, something between a specially cooked lunch and christmas. It was dark already and he put the rabbit back in his cage, Ian looked at him doing that, certain pets confused him and rabbits were one of them, although it's technicly a hare, he thought.


The conversation went on in the same kind of randomly ramified pattern like suppossedly human evolution did and it occasionally went back to Michael saying how much he enjoyed music, he decided to put a Sublime DVD to explain and show Ian how simple and perfect Sublime was. Ian never really talk much to Michael about the music he liked to listen to, he thougth that this might have drawn a discussion about different types of music which could have only ended in the agreement of both that it was just a matter of taste, he would not have been able to bear that, it was too much of a cliché even for two drunk friends.


- I think one of the reasons I hate football is because I couldn't play, I was too fat


Ian pictured that, a young Michael with blond curly hair, tired, breathing violently, frustrated. He empathised with him, he hadn't been fat but he sucked at football as well, he told him that he also was the last one to be picked and how the team that was forced to pick him didn't give a damn about showing their disconformity.


Michael told him that he was in a grammar school and he was constantly picked on by his classmates because he was fat and he didn't really fit in that school because it was too posh, even the teacher would bully him at time until one day he told one of the teachers to shut the fuck up and too lick his ass, his parents then were stronly suggested to move him into another school.


Things were not that different for Ian, he explained Michael that he was a bit thick in primary school and that his classmates used to call him a retard and passed his chair around to smell it because they said it had a horrible smell. From that moment on, he went on, he had lived only to prove himself he is not a retard, he also felt extremely anxious when he had to deal with people, faces terrifyied him, the possibility of reviving those years seemed likely to happen everytime someone new looked at him.

Ian felt a bit ashamed that he hasn't been through completely yet, not as Michael, he still struggled with the burden of fear of the mockery of children more than ten years before, he thougth that it was either because to destroy the confidence of someone by laughing at his lack of intelligence was more corrosive or because he was stucked, he tried to dismissed the second option.

The next day Michael left Ian in the train station where he would catch the connection to the airport, when he finally arrived to his house late in the night he took out the lunchbox that Michael's girlfriend's mother prepared for him, while eating his ham sandwich he thought of that lady that prepared that for him without really knowing him, he thought of the other gifts he got from Michael's familiy and the beer and wine and food he ate. Having all these in mind, he went to bed, and when he put his head on the pillow he cried, he felt as if something had broken inside him, something made of glass maybe or chalk, he couldn't pinpoint that.

no se que estoy haciend